Sex and the City

Walking a dog around the block has given me a new perspective on city life. Usually I’m racing to the office, darting to the hospital and then rushing home to nest. Now I circle the block casually, waiting, hoping, praying that Hoffman will sniff something that might trigger a response in his puppy synapses and make him want to go pee pee or poo poo. Yes, I have become one of those wandering minstrels with their dog on a leash circling the city waiting for their pet to evacuate.

To make the best of this time, I have resorted to photography. My friend, Jesse Archer, recommended that I always keep a camera handy. He’s absolutely right. As my BFF, Eric Ostrow, always says, “You never know when God is going to deliver you a present and show you something to brighten up your day.” So here are a few photos I took.

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This is a park on 23rd and the West Side Highway where children were frolicking.

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Is it me or do these fountains seems especially phallic? I known I have a dirty mind but this park is in Chelsea. Maybe they should change the name to Butt Plugs Park. Children were running in and out of the water, and one particularly excited girl wrapped her arms around one of those fountains and began rubbing it up and down. That’s when I had to leave.

Remember the Olivia Newton John classic, Hopelessly Devoted, from the movie Grease? Well this is what I call Homeless and Hopelessly Devoted.

homeless in love

It looks like some one’s getting to second base. I hope this isn’t a first date.

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But life in the city isn’t simply about butt plugs and homeless sex. There’s more…This morning I was emailed by a patient who had gotten herself into a little pickle. The subject was entitled:

Help- please don’t delete

Patient: So sorry to ask you this but don’t know what else to do. I left my 7 day prescription of effexor at some guy’s house last night as I apparently left my whole gym bag. Would you be willing to call in for just a 7 day prescription?  Sorry to bug you and even ask but not sure what to do.

Me: Excuse me Madonna in Justify my Love video………where do I call the prescription?

Patient: You are too funny. I actually called my dad and gave him a totally different scenario (of course) and I think he called it in for me. So embarrassing…but kind of funny. Sad to lose all that stuff though. I had a really good sports bra in that gym bag!

Me: Was the sex that bad that you can’t get the bra back?

Patient: Didn’t take his number – gave him mine…I’m pretty sure he’ll call though. They always do when you leave your wardrobe….

Me: Well he probably thinks you left it there on purpose to ensure a second date.

Patient: I know – that’s the worst part cuz I so don’t want to see him again and now I kind of need to….I want that sports bra.

Me: Oh Carrie Bradshaw, just bite the bullet and when he calls just say, “Thank God, I need that bra. It’s my favorite. Can you be a lamb and leave my bag with your doorman?” That way you won’t have to see him. It will knock his ego down a few pegs but who cares?

Patient: I love you – you are frigging hysterical

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