July 12th 8pm. Phone rings. It’s the service.
Doctor S – Hello service.
Service – Doctor we have a Mr. L on the line. Can I patch him through? He says it’s an emergency.
S – Of course.
Service – The doctor’s on the line.
L – Hello, I waiting for the doctor.
S – Yes, this is the doctor.
L- Hello, who are you? I’m waiting to speak to the doctor. It’s an emergency.
S – L, it’s me, Dr. S. What’s the problem? Is everything okay?
L – Oh, Dr. S? Is that you? How did they do that?
S – The service connected you. What’s seems to be the problem?
L – Oh, doctor S. It’s you. That’s so wierd. Well, I have this problem you see. I’m having a problem with my erections. It seems I can’t maintain them. I have an appointment to see you on Wednesday, but I thought I should call you.
S – It’s 8:00 at night. There’s really not much I can do for you at the moment. Did you tell the service this was an emergency?
L – Yes, I wanted to be sure I talked to you before I saw you on Wednesday. That way you would be prepared.
S – I appreciate that. Thank you. Why don’t we just discuss this on Wednesday then?
L – Okay doctor. Thank you for speaking to me.
S – Is there anything else?
L – No that’s it. Thanks. See you Wednesday.
Medical Assistant, Juan, hands Doctor S a new patient chart. Dr. S walks into the room and finds new patient SJ.
Doctor S – Good afternoon.
SJ – Hello.
S – After I ask you a few questions, I’m going to need you to take off your clothes, except for your underwear and put on this gown.
SJ – Oh, no. I aint’ had my hair done, my nails done, or my toe nails done.
S – Well, this is an initial consultation. What did you expect?
SJ – I don’t need a consultation. I just need my prescriptions refilled.
S – Well, that’s not how it works. First, I take a history, and then I perform a full physical exam.
SJ – Then why do you need me to take off my clothes?
S – You have to undress so that I can examine you.
SJ – I don’t need you to perform a physical. I just need my prescriptions. So get out your pad and scribble down these names I wrote here on this piece of paper.
S – Mrs. J I understand but that’s just not how it works. So if you want your prescriptions, you’re going to have to answer some questions, and then you’re going to have to allow me to examine you.
SJ gets up, grabs her purse and storms out. As she leaves, I hear her mumble: They charge you 20$ copay and then ask you to undress. These doctors should pay me if they want to see me nekked.